I Feel It (Everywhere)

2016, Mixed media installation and performance, exhibited at Brick City Gallery, size varies

Ever since I was a young girl I have had two recurring nightmares.

I would turn the corner at my elementary school and be met with a knife. He would stab me repeatedly.

The other I wake impregnated and I spend the rest of the dream fighting to prove my innocence, that this happened to me, and that I wasn’t bad.

You do not have to be good.

The child’s plastic bed covering only protects the mattress.

I would lay still, silent, cemented. Intruders creeping up the sheets. I can’t feel this. This is not happening. You are not affecting me.

Finally, I locked the door. This was my first protest.

You do not have to be silent.

On the floor, stains from the past owner’s children, crumbs, hair. This is where I lay, haunted. I feel repulsion in my stomach. Gag reflexes from a toothbrush too far down the tongue.

You have survived it all.

This is where I wake.